Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
