Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
