Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
