I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
