i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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