Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
