im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
