just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
