i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
