This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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