When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
