So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
