I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
sex in a hospital.. check
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
