Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
