I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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