I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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