I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
this hospital has no fireball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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