Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
