I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
