Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
