she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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