you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
