I think I died a long time ago.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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