Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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