when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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