I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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