She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
