your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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