she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
