The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Life is so much better after having sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
