gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize