well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
