I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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