I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
