I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
