Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
