why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
NoShamevember. You game?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
