In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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