where am i from again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
