Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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