i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
