If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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