This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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