dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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