if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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