why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
