The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
