Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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