She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is Oprah even human
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
