His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
