I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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