Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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