He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
