1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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