It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MIDGETS
????
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
