woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
