Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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