Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
