ugly people sure do ruin things
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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