I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
