I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
