every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
