i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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