So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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