I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
