he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
