and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
