I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
