either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
