i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
