The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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