If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize