They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
