Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
