oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish you could order shots online.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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