I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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