i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize