she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
