My Higher Power is John Stamos
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
