I accidentally had phone sex last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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