Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
