you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
