I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
