At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize