Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
