It's Friday. Sex?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am one with the molecules
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize