ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
