Betty ford says i'm here all night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
