The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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