I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
