Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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