The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
