Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
