so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
