Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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