You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
