yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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