hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
