You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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