I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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