Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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